Crushes: When And How To Let Go

Crushes: When And How To Let Go
May 5, 2011 Leslie Juvin-Acker

Crushes make our hearts beat faster, they give us sleepless nights or even exciting dreams and they fill us full of hope for a possible love connection. But how do we know when a crush goes from a romantic infatuation to an all out obsession? Find out how to deal.

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At first, crushes can take up our head space and cause us to fantasize and daydream. It’s not unusual for a short period of time to feel like all we can do is think about this special someone. However, when the thoughts become obsessive and take over our ability to clear our minds and focus on the tasks necessary for the day or enjoy the people in our present company, we’ve got a problem and we need to deal with it ASAP.

A crush can become unhealthy when the relationship becomes negative or abusive. We might be attracted to someone that hurts us or takes advantage, either physically, emotionally, or financially. Perhaps the crush is aware of our feelings but chooses to manipulate out of the power to control our actions through our emotions or goodwill towards them. There might even be times when we argue with our crush because of unrequited feelings or physical advances.

Perhaps, quite simply,  your crush has acknowledged your feelings and has indicated that she or he is not interested in a romantic relationship; They are purposely dating other people to give you the clue that they are not interested at all.

If any of the above sound like something you’re going through, there are ways of coping with the obsession and crushing the crush once and for all.

Begin by identifying your crush’s negative traits. It’s common to be so blinded by our emotions that we ignore their bad habits and flaws. Enlist the help of a friend you trust who can help list the reasons why your crush isn’t right for you. It could be a difference in values or interests or their negative behavior towards you. Another pair of eyes will catch the flaws of the person with whom we think we are in love and can help wake us up from a fantasy that could turn into a nightmare.

Alone, or with a friend, determine the reasons why you think you’re in love with your crush and get down to the root of the attraction. Is it because you think this person needs you or because you think you can’t live without them? Do they have a physical trait that can easily be found in other potential partners? It’s not unusual to find that our crush simply has an ideal trait or feature that has manifested in them; we can often focus solely on this positive trait without seeing the whole package.

Distance yourself physically and emotionally from your crush. This can be a challenge when we work with them or swing in the same social circles. Focus on spending time away from this person and avoid sharing too much about yourself or inquiring too much about their personal life. Incorporate this strategy by meeting other people and expanding your social or professional network. By opening our eyes to what is ‘out there’, we can see that there are other lovable potential partners in the world and we’re not as limited as we have originally thought.

Finally, list the reasons for why you’re afraid to move on. It could be that you’re afraid that meeting other people who could love you is impossible. Perhaps, we’re so comfortable in the mindset of thinking and obsessing about someone that the ideal of NOT thinking about them is foreign. Our feelings can ultimately be our guide: a fear of rejection, humiliation, loneliness, etc. Then, address each fear with honesty and realism: again, a good friend can help dispel those fears by talking some sense into you – that is, if you let them.

Dealing with a crush gone wrong can help us grow and learn to love ourselves more. We have to trust our instincts and be honest with the expectations we have towards our crushes and why they didn’t work out. At the end of the day, we have to be willing to open ourselves to pain in order to be emotionally and spiritually stronger. The good news is, getting over a crush will eventually lead us to someone who can love us for who we are and can take infatuation to mutual love and adoration.

Have you ever had to let go of a crush? How did you deal? Do you have any tips to share with readers?

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