I See A World Where Nobody Has To “Come Out”

I See A World Where Nobody Has To “Come Out”
October 18, 2011 Leslie Juvin-Acker

If you’re a sci-fi lover as much as I am, then you probably enjoyed the latest Star Trek reboot film. I think I’ve watched it four times in a row during one week. I loved all the characters, especially Dr. Spock.

Anyway, Dr. Spock is played by the actor Zachary Quinto and he recently came out as a gay man. He never was clear on his sexuality and never admitted to the press and public he is gay.

Quinto said,

I feel like I made that declaration so that I can be a part of this conversation moving forward,” he told us. “I did it in my own time, on my own terms, in my own words. That’s exactly the way that I wanted to do it, and I’m really proud of that. When the time is right to continue the conversation forward, I certainly will do that. That’s why I took those steps in the first place.

While I was doing my sewing and crafts thing yesterday, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and this whole “coming out” thing. I understand how important it is to accept yourself, your sexuality and to feel comfortable around others knowing that they accept and love (if anything, tolerate) you. But, for some odd reason, I can’t help but feel if I were to have a gay son or daughter I would hope that they would never have to come out to me.

Hold on, I know that sounds bizarre, but look at it this way: Do straight people go around when they’re sure of their sexuality and say, “Mom and Dad, I’m straight,”? No. No more than straight people owe it to anyone to declare and justify their sexuality, should a gay person do so for others.

I feel like your sexual identity is a genetic thing. It’s like saying to your loved ones, “My eyes are blue.” It’s totally unnecessary. Even if someone wanted to be honest, I want to see a world where families can feel open to discuss sexual preferences, but not feel obliged to clarify things because people are too focused on dogma and narrow minded beliefs to notice and accept the obvious.

I have gay and lesbian friends and family who struggle not with accepting that they’re gay or even being honest about it, but having to deal with loved ones rejecting them for who they are. I find it’s absurd for someone to reject a gay loved one after having the privilege of listening and being confided in regarding an intimate, sensitive subject. Is that how we treat people we supposedly love?

I’ve always felt it was none of my business to probe into the private lives of my gay friends and family, just as it’s not appropriate to do so with straight people. For me, it’s called respect. If they feel like sharing details, then it’s their prerogative, not mine, which is why I feel like journalists and “the public” are never entitled to know what anyone – gay or straight – does or prefers in the bedroom. No one is owed the act of a famous person to “come out” and nor should anyone be given the power to put pressure on someone else to disclose their personal life in such a public way. Doesn’t anyone respect privacy and personal lives anymore?

Which is why I hope this whole “coming out” thing eventually fades away and that people can be open (or private, your choice) about their sexuality and not feel forced to explain, justify, or even verbalize their preference, because it will be clear by the way they act and live, because in the future I envision everyone doesn’t make gay (LGBT) people feel like they have to hide in a figurative closet or feel ashamed for who they are and who they were born and choose to be.

What do you think? Do you agree or do you think that coming out will always be an essential part of the process for LGBT individuals? Share your thoughts.

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