I’ve been with my husband for five and a half years now and over the years, we’ve changed. Life has changed.
When I look at him, I no longer see his shaven head and face, his broad, shirtless shoulders, board short tan lines, and his sun kissed cheeks, caressing the pearly white sun beam that makes his smile. I see a man who wears flannel, jeans, boots, whose hair is cut in a 60s style with a full grown beard on his face. He’s got wrinkles around his eyes now, he’s paler, he’s sprouted a few grey hairs, but one thing is certain, he can wear that sun beam smile like it never goes out of fashion.
Throughout the ups and downs, he continues to wear that smile. He works hard each day to provide a materially and spiritually rich life for us. He cares for me: mind, body and spirit. Certainly he is aware of my appreciation for his daily, untiring efforts. Right?
It dawned on me that sometimes we wives think we are telling our husbands exactly what we feel. After all, we are communicative creatures and nothing stops us from sharing our thoughts and feelings. Although, it seems to me that while we’re busy telling our husbands of everything that’s wrong, or what fears us, or what we’re lacking, we are completely forgetful of the necessity to tell our husbands how we really feel deep down inside, I mean how we really feel about this man in whose company we’ve promised to brave our inevitably changing lives.
With this realization, I sat down with my husband and told him how I really felt about him when all the daily dramas, fears, and distractions are set aside. I opened up and told him that deep down, I feel safe, protected, loved, and cared for and that I am grateful everyday for his untiring efforts to show his love for me. For us.
I let him know that he could set aside his fears of losing whatever we have and his fears of facing difficulty and enemies along life’s path because I would be with him to get him through (and vice versa) just as we have countless times before. I told him that he need not fear that he is not enough for me because I am fully aware of his labors and am grateful to him for all that we have built together. I told him that he gives me everything I need and more.
I told him that if there were things that he wanted to do or places he wanted to go that we could work together in order to accomplish his goals. I told him that when given the opportunity, he must let loose, relax, and have fun not because he has earned it or deserves it, but because as a human being he’s entitled to joy, laughter, and happiness. It’s good for the soul to have some fun.
I assured him that because of who he is – hardworking, talented, dedicated, and intelligent and determined – he will naturally accomplish his dreams and that I see it and he must know it himself. Even if we have a simple, perhaps humble, life I am happy to have it and I will make the best of it because I have him and I plan on taking advantage of that very fact of goodness in my life.
As I told him these things and more, his blue eyes widened. He listened intently and digested my words as he held my hands. I could see what seemed like one thousand pounds being lifted from his shoulders. He finally replied by saying that he needed to hear that because men can often feel stressed when they’re not sure they’re doing right by their wives and families or if they’re where they are or what they have achieved is what they are supposed to achieved. He said knowing this information he feels like together we can have any kind of life we want, because it’s our life. It’s an empowering feeling to know that fear doesn’t have to hold us down and keep us back in life.
After nearly six years together, I realize that there are a lot of things that can be left unsaid between spouses if we’re not mindful, or communicative ,about our real feelings. I know everything I’ve said to my husband sounds simple and seems that they could go unspoken, but the reality is our husbands need to know how we really feel about them because it will make him and our relationships stronger. He needs to see and know the fruits of his labor and sometimes, it’s our job to make sure he’s aware of the good he does in his life and in ours. You’ll be happier for it and he’ll be stronger, more courageous, and fearless as a result.
When’s the last time you had a heart to heart with your husband?