For a while, I (and the blog), was under radio silence. Personally, I write when I have just enough to say. I stop writing when there is just too much going on. It’s like your mind is racing but your mouth can’t keep up to express it all, so you choose to say nothing instead. Well, that’s how I am.
In the span of one year, I overcame postpartum depression, taught two semesters at an international business school, my husband got the job of his dreams at Nixon, I got pregnant, we made the move from France back to San Diego, I became a French citizen, I completed an accelerated career facilitator program at breakneck speed, had a baby and got my business roots planted in Oceanside – all in no particular order. As my dear friends would say, they couldn’t expect anything less from me and fortunately I had a great partner in my husband, Mr. J, with whom I could endure all of these changes and a son and daughter who remind me each day of the magic of life.
During this vigorous journey, from time to time, I, like everyone else, experienced anxiety about about the future; wondering, Will things work out? and Will I have the right people and resources to support me in my endeavors? Even despite the fact that I have premonitory dreams and burgeoning psychic abilities, coupled with my education and years of experience as a coach, in moments of weakness I doubt, too, my abilities, the unending generosity and mystery of God and Its universe, and the simple fact that things will work out in the end. But hey, even Jesus himself had all thought God had forsaken Him at one point along his journey.
And yet, life goes on, opportunities and people present themselves along the way. I shed a few tears before leaving France surrendering to the dread of leaving my friends and family behind, questioning if I could be fortunate to come upon another group of loving and generous individuals. Lo and behold, they have here in San Diego and once again I am humbled by the very fact that their presence is a reminder that the Universe is an active force in giving us just what we need.
These days, I’m a working-stay-at-home-mom – whatever that means, you might say – in that I take care of my kids all day – squeezing in client calls and dealing with my marketing issues in between wiping baby vomit off my leggings and commanding, nay trying to jedi-mind-trick, a two year old into behaving- and then go to client appointments at night. And, in the midst of it all, working tirelessly (well, despite being tired) to constantly figure out how to make it all work with a spouse who is gone for business two months out of the year without burning out and completely losing my mind. So, when my clients shoot me straight with stories about stress and time management, all I can say with a knowing look is, Believe me, I totally understand where you’re coming from and I know, I know.
Paradoxically, it can be lonely and difficult to connect at times despite being completely surrounded by people all of the time. And yet, those people who have come into my new life have been candid in telling me that they feel that way, too, and I’m reassured once more.
One might think that I’m complaining, however I’m actually very grateful for my situation. I live in a beautiful apartment with an ocean view and wonderful neighbors, my husband loves his job and the amazingly sweet and talented people at Nixon, and my kids are healthy and beautiful. I am, in every way, blessed – even when I think I am not… and during such moments I have to remind myself not to believe everything I think.
I’d like to say that I’m back to regularly blogging, but I can’t make any guarantees. I post photos to instagram which relieves me of having to say to much. Nevertheless – in this very moment – I am reminded of how cathartic it is to write and organize my interior world with that of my exterior world in hopes that someone out there can relate and benefit from my experiences.
And with all of that said, I’m just checking in. Where have you been?