Why are we so violent towards ourselves? No, seriously. We can be downright sadistic. The longer and longer that I coach clients and observe my own behaviors the more I realize how violent, neglectful, and hateful we are towards ourselves – and, on top of that, egotistical to the point that it makes for the unhealthiest obsession.
We were created and chose to live on this planet to do two things: love ourselves and love others as we love ourselves. A simple directive that means a million and some different things to all of us. But how come we are so violent and abusive towards ourselves, let alone each other.
Violence towards others is easy to blame – other people, mental illness, abusive, etc. There is always an answer for why people hurt other people. But we don’t have a clear answer as to why we hurt ourselves – make our own lives miserable, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abuse ourselves, and torture our bodies until the point of sickness – and death.
I like to have my clients conduct this simple visualization to understand the metaphor of this concept that I’m explaining.
Imagine that there are three of you:
Body A is your physical body, your life, and the subconscious mind that does whatever it’s programmed to do.
Body B is your soul that is connected to the Divine. The great witness, recorder, and learner of the experience that is your life.
Body C is your mind which represents the ego and sense of individuality and separateness and is the decision maker.
Your Body C senses its own separateness and the helplessness of Body A, which is waiting for a command from Body C to tell it what to do so that it may be set on its path. Body C, so limited in its perspective doesn’t have all of the answers, so it works with what it has. It operates primarily out of fear for survival and puts Body A to work so that it may survive and not die.
Because Body C is constantly working to survive, not die, it doesn’t realize that it’s actually programming Body A with code that is continually being outmoded as exterior environments change. Body B tries to help out through dreams, intuition, and great ideas, but it’s up to Body C to decide if it will use the inspiration or not. Body C can become so fearful about surviving that it’ll cut off all communication to Body B, forcing Body A to keep working at all costs, even at its own detriment. Survival is all that matters at this point.
When Body A can no longer do the job of surviving, because Body C has forced it to run itself ragged, Body C gets angry, upset, and confused and begins to abuse and hate Body A for its inability to perform. Body C will then make choices to say mean and hateful things to Body A and will deliberately hurt itself by refusing to feed, nurture, and listen to Body A and Body B.
Because Body A is so obedient and trusting, Body A eventually begins to believe everything that Body C says and commands and takes those thoughts and commands and turns them into systematic patterns and choices, deeply ingrained beliefs, and automatically generated behaviors. All of these patterns become ingrained and will continue to hurt itself, even turning on Body C even long after Body C has come to its senses and wants to stop the cycle of abuse.
Body C can try its best to stop the abuse, but by now it’s almost too late. Body B has to step in and intervene, saving Body C from itself. Body B will send out signals to other souls for help. This is where miracles that shift the perspectives and paradigms of Body C come into play. Body C will finally come to realize the error of its ways and as a last ditch effort begin to heal, listen to, and nourish Body A and Body B. It may take some time for Body A to break the bad programming and habits, but with a direct and constant connection to Body B, both Body A and Body C will make it through alright.
Considering this visualization, it’s easy to get caught up into self-abuse, judgement, and criticism. And we withhold love, nourishment, and a non judgmental ear from ourselves – it’s no wonder why we experience the same from others in our lives and careers – and feel so angry about it. Imagine putting yourself into a prison, saying cruel things to yourself, ignoring your own basic needs and rights, and crippling your own ability to do amazing things. Now, imagine putting a child into that situation. Horrific, right?! Now, imagine that this child is your own inner child.
Many of my clients come in angry, confused, and resentful. The first place they look is at everyone and everything else for the cause of these painful emotional experiences. With some help, they realize that they’re angry at themselves for allowing the suffering for so long, confused by their own self-sabotaging behaviors, and resentful to their own ego mind for being so cruel to their body, lives, and souls.
When we look at the miserable circumstances into our lives, it’s important to take a moment to recognize how we’re hurting ourselves throughout the process and how cut off we have been from our own soul which is always ready and willing to give us the answers that we’re seeking so hard for. Pay close attention to the truth that is coming from your soul and honor that. Love and nurture your life and body and see what they have to say so that you may be guided peacefully through changing times and scenarios.
Trust yourself – trust your soul – and most importantly, be your own advocate instead of prison guard. Release yourself from your own chains of perception, from old fears and outmoded beliefs. If you can’t stand up for yourself, then imagine your inner child shackled to a wall, starving, curled up in a ball on the floor because it’s hungry and can’t walk. Do what you can to nurture, nourish, and speak up for this child who is longing for someone to love, honor, and accept him or her.
Love, honor, and accept yourself. And see the rest of the world begin to follow suit.